Just a thought
Foreword: Bear with me; the thought just came to mind and I haven't had a chance to fully flesh it out.
There is a particular frame of mind with women for the most part as a whole. It's this mindset that they can take whatever features of themselves they don't particularly like and, with little more than a trip to the convenience store in many cases, alter. Hair dye, makeup, extensions, fake nails, straighteners, curlers, etc., not to mention the obvious elective cosmetic surgeries. Even tanning booths! What happened to the day when you got a tan because you were outside playing or working or something? For what reason do these people need to be so dark in the winter? Everyone knows you haven't been climbing mountains in your swimsuit, you're not fooling anyone.
And what's wrong with being pale in the first place? Truly, seriously, what the hell is the benefit of being tan when your skin defaults to cream? (I know, not all skin defaults to cream, but those tones are exempt from this argument -- they have their own natural defaults.)
The point is that so many people don't even feel comfortable in their own skin, they're right near panic-stricken at the thought of being seen without makeup or having their roots grow in. I just want to see the way people actually look! Natural hair color, natural skin tones... Who cares if your hair's an "ugly shade of brown?" It's brown! It is one of the five standard-issue hair colors that a person can have naturally! Is it seriously a concern if it's not some dark mahogany? It really does disgust me.
And so do high-heeled shoes. Yes, they make your legs look longer -- longer than they should be in order to remain proportionate to your body. They make you look awkward. Terribly awkward. Is it so much to ask that people just look like themselves?
If you're short and pale and dark-haired, don't try to be tall and dark and blonde. That is not who you are. I do not recognize that person.
Brief follow-up:
Just so I don't get the wrong message across, I'm not saying everyone should be pale and short and dark-haired. If you're naturally blonde and tan, great, stick with it, that's what you look like. I just want people to be natural (within reason... I do think shaving and bathing are concepts we should all keep near to our hearts). Be comfortable with the way you look, be proud of it. It's great to have people you look up to, but it's best to look like yourself -- leave looking like them to, well, them. Etc., you get the point.
Daniel, I have much to say on this issue also. I'm thirty-three and just found white hairs on my head. My father has snow white hair which fully covered his head by the time he was thirty.
When I told the women in my life, most all suggested a dye job. The men told me to embrace it (especially my husband).
Never once has a man told me if I would wear a little makeup or fix my hair up a little that I would be more beautiful. Yet women tell me this all the time. My friends and I have been discussing this and I'm testing the conclusion that women want you to fix yourself up because if you are a woman who takes care of her body physically and is confident enough to be natural, it makes them look insecure, like they are hiding something.
Over the years, on occasion, I've put on makeup whenever a picture was taken or I had plans to go out on the town with my husband. But my makeup bag is incredibly small and rarely used these days.
Great topic and one that I feel should be discussed more often.
Crystal
Crystal,
First greys at thirty-three? Nothing at all to be ashamed of, actually, haha. Anyway, just think of all the time, trouble, and money you (or anyone) would be saving by just letting it come as it does, rather than religiously dying your hair for thirty years only to get to a point where there's a solid silver stripe blooming at your part a week after you've been to the salon. I had a teacher like this in grade school. Stick straight hair, bob cut a bit above the shoulders, mahogany brown dye job, and an evenly-growing stripe of metallic silver growing out from the center seemingly at all times. And then trying to transition to the hair's then-natural color at that point? Yikes. No, definitely let that go on its own. It's not like the hair itself suddenly becomes unkempt and falls out of health when it starts to grey -- healthy, well taken-care-of hair of any color looks great.
However, I will offer a slight counter-point to one of your above points (though only to play devil's advocate -- I think it's clear where I stand from my above posts): Men may be inclined to say you wouldn't be improved by makeup (or removal of), etc., because they feel in a way obligated to make you believe you look as good as you can already, no changes necessary. This is a view that's sort of hard to explain, but I know that I, as a guy who does feel this obligation, experience this moment of fear that compels me to say that whatever a woman is currently doing is exactly what she should be doing, and nothing needs changed. This is even the case when I actually think she could cut way back on the makeup and would look twice as good with her natural hair color.
It's a paradox, I know, haha. As for the response you say women give, well, I won't pretend to understand women. The closest thing I can get out of that to a reason is that women consider their hair/skin a sort of "fifth canvas," as I'll call it (in addition to home, vehicle, clothing, and accessories), which is open to be expressed upon. Just like someone real big into interior decorating might come into your house and spout off design "improvements" or a car buff might be quick to suggest a suspension set-up that would give you "better" handling, I feel that women may approach giving makeup and hair advice simply as someone who has dealt with any given array of issues with their appearance, and is merely offering up their experience as an enthusiast who's "been where you are before."
And that may be total rubbish, but I think there's at least a glimmer of sense to be had in it.
The main reason I'm not dyeing is because I know I wouldn't keep up with a dye job. I have so many other things to do (being a wife, raising babies, editing a magazine, writing my own work, roller derby, the list goes on). I wear clean clothes that match whenever I leave the house. I say I'm set for life. LOL
As for why men say nothing, I'll give you that men outside of my personal group of friends would be afraid of hurting my feelings. I never say anything to women whom I feel wear too much makeup, but really it's because it doesn't affect my life how much makeup she does or doesn't wear. The men in my life, I feel, share that thought. From a young age, I've surrounded myself with creative souls...musicians, artists, writers. With all of those men, it was very easy to show myself without fear because I think we all exposed our fears so quickly.
I also think the bar is lowered once a man knows you are married. Between women, there is nothing to lower the bar, so how you dress or make up your face is still something that is judged.
Great conversation. Thanks for posting your feelings on this.
Crystal
Crystal,
I very much like your reason for not feeling compelled to speak up when you think others are overly-made-up, etc. I agree entirely, which could also be a cause for why I'll feel obligated to keep my own thoughts to myself when someone gets a little powder-happy. If that's what they want to do, it probably makes them happy (or at least satisfies some compulsion or need of theirs), so what right does one have to tell them to do otherwise?
And another good point with the bit about marriage. What a ridiculous, basic instinct to have kept around for so long, this compulsion for men to put on a little show around "unclaimed" women, chest all puffed-out and tail feathers fanned. True though, without a doubt.
But to jump back a bit, I think I may've misinterpreted your first reply upon my initial reading. You said that other women are intimidated by those who are confident enough to be natural, which I interpreted as (I have no idea what I interpreted it as, but clearly it didn't register at the time). That point really intrigues me, as it's not one I've ever considered before. At first I tried likening it to a very fit guy who doesn't have any problem being without a shirt around his friends, but whose friends are maybe just a bit out of shape and are therefore somewhat envious (secretly or otherwise) of this main fellow.
Then I realized it really wasn't anything like that at all, haha. I suppose I haven't got much worthwhile to share on that point, but would like to thank you for sharing it -- it really makes a good deal of sense, and also serves to shed some light on a situation I can't test myself.
I suppose a lot of those situations come back to the body, though. Trying to apply that same idea to men, a guy who gets married is suddenly no longer expected to have a fast car and a lot of flashy things, but he can still be expected (or pressured) to hit the gym five days a week.
Whether all that's just a matter of personal betterment or age-old animal impulse is anyone's guess, though I'm leaning toward the latter.