See what I did there? I combined the word "asparagus" with the name "Gustav" to create a totally new word! It's like genetic engineering, only my grain hasn't become any more resilient.

Truth is I couldn't muster up anything a) better, while still remaining b) relevant to my topic, so I fell back on my old standby: when in doubt, sound like an idiot.

Anyway, it's nearly Friday, and that means I'm supposed to cook something I haven't cooked before. Well, the job hasn't paid in a while (which is just too cool), so I'm feeling cheap. Would I like a steak? Yes, I would like a steak; I have not eaten a steak in an amount of time which spans beyond the (admittedly feeble) reaches of my memory. But, being cheap, I'll have to settle with our good friend gallus gallus domesticus, the Land Tuna, the necessarily versatile chicken.

Also asparagus, which I had previously revealed to you by proxy of awful joke.

But in what way? In what way?

I am open to suggestions! Guide my trembling, idiot hands around sharp tools and hot surfaces; point my naive and wandering eyes at... chicken and asparagus, and also ancillary ingredients. Help me help you feed me.