I've got this mighty urge to get a bunch of pets for the sole reason of bestowing upon them unfortunate names. What names, you ask? I thought you'd never.

• Strategy, a Corgi (Welsh)
• Jarvis or Jeeves, an English Bulldog
• Agamemnon, a Guinea Pig
• Town Drunk or Village Idiot, a Dachsund or perhaps an English Sheepdog
• King Cobra, a playful Tabby or runty parakeet

The last two I'm particularly fond of. So much so, in fact, to actually be considering getting a pet after ditching this apartment for a proper house. But then I come to my senses and remember that I should never be trusted with the life of any creature, lest the original owner's looking for a slightly-more-humane alternative to euthanization.